What does it mean to be satisfied?

To be content with one’s existence?

Is it ultimately achieving a lifelong goal?

Is it to no longer feel worry or anxiety about one’s own life?

Whatever it may be, I want to find it. I want to feel this. I want to know this feeling of true satisfaction. I’ve felt something like this in the past, these glimmers of contentment, but they fade away far too quickly. Far too often have these feelings been overtaken by more anxiety, more irrational fears that plague my mind. It is like a thorn in my side, digging deeper into my skin with each passing moment. I want out of this cycle of sorrow. It is not how we are meant to live. It is not how I am meant to live. I am still young, many years of life lie ahead of me, but they all seem so far away. I want the tears of sorrow to be tears of joy. I want to feel contentment and to find peace. I want this looming feeling of worry to be taken away from me. I don’t want to struggle through the prime of my youth.

But…that’s just it, isn’t it?

Humanity is flawed, marked by stains of sin and impurity. What I long for is perfection. And that is impossible to obtain here on Earth. This longing for eternal contentment on Earth will only drive me mad. If it hasn’t done so already. My hunger, my futile desire for an unnatural peace perpetuates this cycle of sorrow. This feeling that I long for will only lead to stagnation. An eternal stillness. An endless now. We are not meant to live like this either. This leaves us with a question: what is one to do? How can one live if one wishes not to struggle, yet earthly peace only leads to stagnation? Do we perpetuate this false peace, living in a delusional and unnatural bliss? Or do we embrace the struggle, cherishing what fragments of peace we have before they slip away?

I think…I may have an answer.

We push through the agony of the struggles, never losing hope, never losing our way. The greatest trait of humanity is perseverance. The ability to keep pressing on no matter what happens. It is what allowed our kind to survive for so long. It is why we are often unstoppable. We don’t know when to give in. The undying spirit of humanity is a beautiful thing. And yet, so many people go through their lives not ever seeing it. They believe this world is cold, dark, unforgiving, and an utter disaster. And it is. This world is cruel. Good men die young, and evil prevails far too often. So many people are manipulated by twisted desires, turning them into monsters. But, in all of this, I dare to say: is this truly all there is? I choose to stand in defiance of the sorrows of this world. I choose to push forward through the pains of this life.

The pain runs deep. It gnaws away at my mind and soul, drowning them in agony. Yet here I stand. Never losing hope. And with the gall to keep pushing forward.

Accept the struggles you live in, but never, ever give in to them. The pain may be in the night, but joy comes in the morning.

This is something that I will wrestle with contently.

But I know I can come back from the depths of despair every time.

For it is not the end of me.

And it never will be.